Richard and Skeeter pull up to the house. Skeeter excitedly jumps out of the car and sprints inside. Richard approaches the front door, stops just short of it, takes a deep breath, and enters. Party scene: music pumping, lots of people inside holding a cup of beer, talking in well-defined groups, laughter, fun fun. Many glance at Richard as he closes the door behind him, but immediately resume their previous conversation. Richard takes a step to join Skeeter, but he sees that Skeeter is talking to Becker; they clearly know each other, are laughing about something, and do not notice that Richard is listening to their conversation. Cut to Becker and Skeeter.



All smiles

Whatever happened to Trevor? I haven’t seen him at the Grapevine.



Yeah, he didn’t come home one day a few months ago.






A little uncomfortable

Thin skin.


Becker starts laughing.



Shit Skeeter what did you do?



I told him that if his cat shit on the floor again I was going to kill it.



Oh come on, that’s no big deal.


Skeeter shit on the floor again.


Becker really starts laughing now.



You killed his cat?!?



I euthenized his cat. It was very humane.


Cut back to Richard, who on hearing this takes another deep breath, refocuses his attention on the party in front of him, and moves on. He walks forward, past a group of indian guys who show no interest in him all speaking english with a thick indian accent.


indian stud 1

I interviewed all over but ultimately it came down to cost. You just can’t beat this school when it comes to value.


The others agree.


Indian stud 2

I had my choice of schools but my family lives here; my dad said if I leave the state he would choose for me an ugly wife.

To Indian stud 3

Speaking of family, isn’t all your family still across the ocean?


indian stud 3

Yes all my family is in India and the training there is quite good, but I have lived there all my life and it was a priority for me to surround myself with a diverse group of students.


Cut to shot of all the indian guys nodding in agreement. Richard moves on and sees a straight-laced guy talking to Bogac, who is smoking a cigarette and looks like he hasn’t showered in a while.


straight-laced stud

Yeah, I came to medical school because I want to help people.


Straight-laced stud nods at this, looking at Bogac, waiting for a response. Bogac takes a long drag of his cigarette, and nods slowly, faintly. A few seconds pass with both of them nodding.



Is that right.


straight-laced stud


Yep. Help people.


Cut to Richard refocusing to the party in front of him. He walks on and sees a drunk girl flirting with a dorky stud.



Well aren’t you just the cutest? At my office all the guys are so boring.


dorky stud

Laughing nervously

Uh, really?


Debbie casually puts her hand on dorky stud’s chest, and as she starts speaking dorky stud glances at her hand and takes a deep breath, clearly not too many girls have put their hands on his chest.



Really. So what kind of doctor do you want to be?


Cut back to Richard refocusing on the rest of the party, as he walks we hear dorky stud’s voice fade.


dorky stud (OS)

I want to be a surgeon.


Richard continues on and sees a group of normal-looking studs.  One of the studs is there with his wife, and is introducing her to the rest of the group.


Christie’s stud husband

This is my wife, Christie.

The rest of the group all wave a greeting wave.


stud #1

Are you are you in medicine, too?





rest of group

In unison, very disappointed.



Back to Richard moving through the party. He’s becoming uncomfortable now, as he has nobody to talk to. He looks back to see Becker and Skeeter continuing to hoot it up. He refocuses in front of him, scanning. Suddenly he sees the keg. The keg has a large sign just behind it that says in large letters “RICHARD YOU ARE SAFE HERE” with a large arrow that points directly at the keg. Cut to Richard breathing a sigh of relief as he walks with new purpose toward the keg. He arrives at the keg (the sign is gone), grabs one of the cups sitting on top. He hasn’t used a keg before. He grabs the spout and looks at it closely for a few seconds before activating the lever and squirting beer all over his face. He looks around to see if anyone saw that, and as suavely as possible starts to fill his cup. Camera closeup to Richard’s face. He looks around, confidently now that he’s busy, until something catches his attention and his gaze snaps into line with the vision in front of him. Cut to slow motion of Shoopa walking toward the keg and Richard with simultaneous change to Neil Diamond’s “Summer Love” at high volume. Shoopa takes a number of steps toward Richard and then as she nears him she (still in slow-mo) looks down at Richard’s shoe with wide eyes and points to them with an expression of alarm. Back to real-time, cut to full-body shot of Richard, he’s spilling beer onto his shoes. Richard struggles to regroup, laughing nervously.



Yep, just cleaning off the ol’ shoes.



Yeah, I was going to mention that your shoes looked a little dry earlier.


Richard laughs, is staring at her, he’s utterly taken. A few seconds of silence.



Are you finished with that keg, or, actually I think you missed a spot..

She points to an imaginary spot on his shoes and laughs


Richard realizes she wants to use the keg and hastily gets out of the way, embarrassed.



Here you go. Hey, um, do you think this place has got a bathroom?


Shoopa gives him a blank stare for a moment to mark the fact that he just asked a stupid question.



Yes, I would imagine this house comes with a bathroom.



Realizing what an idiot he is making of himself

Right. Well, I’ll see you later.


Shoopa waves goodbye as she fills her cup. Richard makes his way toward the stairs and passes the group of students + Christie. They are talking shop and Christie is obviously excluded from the conversation and uninterested, looking around the room and trying to conceal her boredom. The rest of the group is very much enjoying themselves, however, including Christie’s husband.


stud 1

Oh yeah, dermatology is the way to go.. your patients never get better, they never die, they just keep coming back for checkups to the tune of a hundred and fifty bucks for a ten minute appointment. What a racket.


Everyone (except Christie) nods and agrees, laughing.


stud 2

That’s nothing! Ophthalmologists press a button on one of those laser machines and make five thousand dollars in thirty minutes!! And they don’t have to pop zits all day!!


Everyone (except Christie) nods and agrees, laughing.


stud 3

No, the best is psychiatry – big bucks to sit around all day and chat!! And no one even expects you to do anything for your patients! What a life!


Everyone has suddenly gone silent and is looking at Student#3.


Stud 4

Naw, dude. Psychiatry sucks.

Pause. Suddenly his expression changes back to excitement.

But radiology!!


Everyone resumes their previous agreement and laughter. Richard approaches Christie.



Do you know where the bathroom is?



Without any change of expression

No I don’t, but if you find it will you bring me a razor blade so I can kill myself?


Richard stares blankly at Christie for a moment and departs for the staircase, then ascends. At the top he looks around and sees a bunch of closed doors. He opens one of them an inside is a group of chinese med students crowded around a single computer with one of them playing a computer game. They are jumping around and gesticulating wildly while yelling in chinese.


chinese stud 1 (in chinese)

Yelling and pointing at the computer

I prefer prepubescent girls!!


chinese stud 2 (in chinese)

Yelling and pointing at the computer

If there’s grass in the playing field, play ball!! If not, scrimmage!!


Richard slams the door shut and shakes off that sight. He moves to another closed door and opens it. Inside is a dozen well-dressed students sitting cross-legged in a circle with bibles in their laps.

thumper 1

To the group

In this section Joshua, who has journeyed from the other side of Palestine, is approaching his destination but trips on a rock and nearly falls. In my view this is clearly representative of god’s condemnation of homosexuality.

He sees Richard and extends his hand

Welcome. Please join our circle.


Richard slams the door and moves on. Another closed door. He cracks open the door and is immediately overwhelmed by the ecstatic screams of a woman about to have the climax of her life.


Liam (OS)



Richard slams the door. He comes to the last closed door, opposite the stairwell. He stares at it for a moment. Cut to view of door from the other side of the room, including a group of barely-clothed students playing strip poker and smoking cigs. A huge blue water pipe sits off to the side. Female student lays down three of a kind.


studette in bra

Three of a kind, Taylor! Drop those shorts!


Group laughs and encourages Taylor. As Taylor stands, cut to view from between his legs – which is the rest of the group and the closed door. Richard barges in just as the boxers fall.



Shut that fucking door!


Richard slams the door and retreats backward, then falls down the stairs. He tumbles down to the bottom, and the camera shows him opening his eyes to a silent room full of people staring at him. Immediately they all simultaneously return to their previous conversations, ignoring him. Richard closes his eyes again and sighs. With the camera on Richard’s face, we hear a voice from a few feet away.


Carolyn (OS)

Richard? Richard Cartwright?


Richard, still crumpled up at the bottom of the stairs, slowly opens his eyes and smiles.



Very calm. He has given up trying to make a good impression.

Carolyn. Wow, I haven’t seen you since..


Cut to Carolyn standing over the laid-out Richard, near his feet.



High school! Are you okay?


Carolyn stoops so that she can be closer to Richard’s eye level. She smells something and her face reacts to it.



Your shoes reek of beer.

Her face softens, what a sweetheart.

Get up and give me a hug!


They both rise and embrace.



My goodness. Did you start med school today?

Richard nods.

Me too. Wow! How have you been? I’ll bet we’re the only Oregonians here. Have you noticed that all the girls in this town have fake tits? Oh lord, my roommate is getting sloppy, I better intervene.


Cut to Debbie, now thoroughly inebriated, hanging on another stud. She has her hands all over him and is whispering in his ear and laughing. The stud is enjoying himself. Cut to Richard and Carolyn watching this.



That’s your roommate?


Yeah. Do you have a roommate?


Richard nods to another point in front of them. Cut to Skeeter assisting one of the chinese studs perform a keg stand while the other chinese studs cheer them on. Cut back to Richard and Carolyn.



Let’s get lunch tomorrow, Rich.


Carolyn grabs both of Richard’s hands and faces him. She is really glad to see him.



That would be super.


Carolyn looks at Richard for a moment longer with a big smile on her face, and then heads off to attend to Debbie. Richard stands alone, smiling, scratches his head contentedly. After a few moments he realizes he still needs to piss.



To himself



He heads off toward the bathroom and passes the group of studs that include Christie, who is still visibly bored but putting up with it. As Richard passes by, the camera stays with the group. They are still laughing and having a good time.



stud 1 then he asks her, he’s like, “so do you treat all your guests like this?” and she goes, “well, only those that catch my eye!”


Everyone laughs heartily at the punch line for a bit, and then the laughter fades. Stud 1 takes advantage of this light moment to ask a serious question as casually as he can.


stud 1

So how have you guys been preparing yourselves for med school? I mean there are so many horror stories..


Stud 1 looks around but everyone is quiet and looking at everyone else, not wanting to set a precedent. Finally someone speaks up.


Christie’s stud husband

You believe all that? Don’t you remember they said the same thing about college, and was college hard?


Stud Husband laughs at the thought of college being hard. All the others in the group start laughing a laugh of questionable sincerity while shaking their heads.


stud 2

College? What a joke.


STUd 3

Man that was some easy shit, college.


While the group continues their nervous laughter, Christie shoots a look at her husband, she is shocked by something she just heard. Cut to bathroom mirror, reflecting Richard washing his face. He dries off and hears a voice on the other side of the bathroom door.


Becker (OS)

Mom did you get that book? Great. Thanks, I’m going to get a few hours of studying in tonight – I’ll be by in a sec. Bye.


Richard wonders softly to his reflection.



Study what?


Richard opens the door and Becker is waiting to use the john.



Hey dude, you bring your stethoscope?



You never know when you might need one.


Richard walks back to the living room, up to Skeeter.



Rockin party, man! I dig these doctor chicks.



Yeah, as long as they don’t shit on the floor.





Becker walks by and extends his hand to Skeeter.



You outta here?



To Skeeter, he ignores Richard.

Yeah dude, I’m meeting some other buddies out. Hasta.


Skeeter salutes Becker goodbye. Becker hastily disappears.



You about ready to get movin? It seems like things are winding down.



5000 dude.






Let’s bail.


The two of them walk out, just behind Christie and her husband. As Richard and Skeeter pass the couple, Richard and Christie’s husband make eye contact. Camera close on Christie’s husband.


Christie’s STud husband

Enthusiastically, to Richard

See you tomorrow!


Richard (OS)

See you tomorrow.


Richard and Skeeter walk off. Christie’s husband expression changes to one of pleading.


Christie’s stud husband

Honey I’m sorry. I know you had a terrible time.



Listen, I know that doctors are by and large social misfits so I expected to have a terrible time. What I did not expect was to have to put on my waders.


Christie’s stud husband


Whaddya mean?



So I could wade through all your bullshit! How could you do that with a straight face, in front of me?


Stud husband is ashamed. He knew it was coming.



This morning you told me you didn’t know if you were qualified, that you’re gonna be the dumbest guy in the class, and oh college!!

She is beside herself

That was just a breeze, except that you got so stressed out you became clinically depressed and had to take a semester off! You’ve been stressing about med school ever since you got in! Where do you get off?


Christie’s stud husband


You’re only as smart as you look.


Cut to black.