SCENE 23

Scene 23 opens at the bar. Richard and Taylor are having a drink. They've been talking for a while, Richard has been unloading his internal medicine woes.

Taylor

Yeah, it's really a bummer that you've spent 12 weeks on the same team as Becker.

Richard

Oh I haven't even told you the worst of it. Last week I asked Becker the drugs we use to treat tuberculosis.

Taylor

You don't know the mnemonic? I Shrank Reuben's Erect Penis. Isoniazid, Streptomycin, Rifampin-

Richard

Anyway, he told me the drugs. But listen: a few hours later we were in attending rounds, and I'm presenting my TB patient to Dr. Toto, and Becker asks me the antituberculous medications!

Taylor

Whoa. Interesting variation of lateral pimping. It's not like him to try to make you look good, I mean he knows that you know the answer-

Richard

Exactly. So I answered his question-

Taylor

shocked

And they were all the wrong drugs.

Richard

One of them was that new abortion pill.

Taylor

Ooof. That hurts.

They take a swig of beer.

Taylor

Johnny dropped out.

Richard

He's gone?

Taylor

Gone.

Richard

God. I might be next. Why is this so easy for some people and so hard for other people?

Taylor

There are a few geniuses who can ace the tests and be happy at the same time, fuck them. I think most of us have to choose how much life we're willing to give up to improve our class rank.

Richard

And then there are those of us who have no life and bomb the tests.

Taylor

You're miserable because you're still competing.

Richard

You're not competing?

Taylor

Nope. I study until I get sick of it, which is at least enough to pass, and I let the chips fall where they may.

Richard

You won't have any residency choices.

Taylor

You know, it's funny. The people that work their balls off in medical school all fight for the most competitive residencies, which happen to be the programs that require their residents to work their balls off. Then these guys land faculty positions and work their balls off trying to climb the administrative ladder. When does it end? I'm stepping aside now, and letting the Beckers of the world cut somebody else's throat.

Richard

I have too much pride for that. And I don't have much pride.

Taylor

My ego is protected by the knowledge that I could do better if I worked harder. It's a beautiful system.

Richard

And your patients? What would they think of your beautiful system?

Taylor

We're all going to be competent physicians. All the minutia separates us out, but that's only useful to residency program directors. And there's more to taking care of patients than memorizing a textbook. I live a little bit, and understand them better.

Richard

What a cop-out. You've brainwashed yourself to justify your laziness. I'm going to go down fighting.

Taylor

Suit yourself.

At that convenient moment a tiny, cute young lady approaches the two of them. I wish I had this much control over my real life conversations.

Lacy

Taylor.

Taylor

surprised

Lacy! How are you? Have you met Richard? Richard, Lacy. Lacy, Richard.

Lacy glances at Richard but immediately refocuses her attention to Taylor.

Lacy

without emotion

Hi Richard. Taylor you stopped returning my calls after we had sex.

Richard looks at the camera with an expression that says, "Do I have to be part of this?" and takes a sip of beer.

Taylor

Well, yeah. I mean you know how busy I am. I'm a medical student.

Lacy

gestures to the surroundings

You look overwhelmed. Listen, you can't end this relationship, you have too much earning potential.

Pause, as Taylor stares at her blankly.

lacy

If you won't take me back, I'll start crying and make a big scene.

Taylor

Don't get upset, Lacy.

Lacy

matter of factly

I might take your beer and pour it all over you.

Taylor

Lacy I know this is difficult for you, but listen: it's not me, it's you. You drool when you sleep.

Lacy

dry as bone

I'll stalk you Taylor. I'll burn your fucking house down.

Taylor contemplates this for a moment.

Taylor

OK, would you be satisfied if I pawned you off on one of my classmates?

Lacy is totally satisfied by this offer, and smiles.

Lacy

excitedly

Yeah! That'd be great.

Taylor

Excellent. Richard's pillows are far too dry. Let me give you his number.

Richard puts his hands through his hair and stares down at the bar. Taylor writes down Richard's phone number on a napkin.

Lacy

Great! I'll give you a call later on, Richard!

Richard smiles weakly at Lacy. Lacy walks off.

Taylor

So tomorrow's your last day of internal medicine.

Richard

Yeah. The pain is over.

The kind of music that lets the audience know that the pain is most definitely not over starts up, cut to black.